Do you over think and over analyse every conversation, every situation and every possible outcome?
Some days it drives me nuts, I wish I could just switch it off for a while, take a break from it. I would love to have a conversation and just to take it for what it is without analysing it to death. Its definitely worse when my Anxiety is high, when my Anxiety calms or I am with someone I trust to be honest and I am comfortable with it is better.
I have thought long and hard about this recently and have a theory, although I could be completely wrong.
The first part I believe comes from trying to be “normal” and fitting in with my peers when I was growing up. I am definitely a people watcher, certainly not in the stalker sense, I just have an interest in human behaviour and how the mind works. I guess I would analyse the behaviour of others to try to achieve acceptance for myself, im not even sure I was conscious that was what I was doing at the time, its automatic. I certainly still over analyse everything, it happens so quickly and I can think of 50 outcomes in minutes, if there were to many negative possibilities then I probably wouldn’t go through with it. I had to make sure I said the right thing, going through it quickly in my mind before saying it out loud, then long after the conversation had finished I would go over it for any faults or if I could be judged for it. Its draining, very very draining and comes from a place of high anxiety and wanting to fit in.
I also have a very visual and overactive imagination. When I was younger if I was invited anywhere I would quite possibly decline, you know just in case there was an accident on the way or the car caught fire or I got lost. I’m not quite as bad as I once was, I can rationalise things a little better despite thinking of every outcome.
I have noticed my daughter also has a very strong and vivid imagination, its great for play and story writing, but, I think its also where her worrying and stomach migraines stem from. She can think of every possible outcome in a matter of minutes too. Perhaps we need to find a way of using our imaginations productively, in writing and in art perhaps.
I remember as a child and during my teens I was constantly told that I was older than my years. My daughter is being told the exact same thing. I was a goody two shoes as well, but not so much because I didn’t want to get into trouble, it was often down to the over analysing every situation , outcome and wanting to go unnoticed. In the end it just didn’t feel worth the effort.
Perhaps when I am able to accept being different and being “normal” isn’t such a high priority, the over thinking and over analysing will slow down and become less. Perhaps not.